ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
