She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Let's paint friendship bongs
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize