I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
