Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
