so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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