What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
