took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
