there's paper in my vomit.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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