Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
