totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
