I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
