"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
