you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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