There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
