I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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