I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
