I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
