do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
