Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
