the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
