people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
