You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
