I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
