just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
