I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
