I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
