I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
