Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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