Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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