dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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