I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
