I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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