I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just threw up on my dentist
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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