capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
