how can u be prego again
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
