I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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