my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
