how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
