She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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