She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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