there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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