Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize