How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
