I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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