Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
