I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
