I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
