on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
