Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
