I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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