The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize