True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
