I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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