Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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