So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
