rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
