six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The beer is more important than you right now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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