I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
