wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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