What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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