who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
