No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
