Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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