y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
