SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
