They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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