And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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