Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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