Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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