im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
