dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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